Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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