this beer tastes like vomit already
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
