I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
