JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
