careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
