apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
