Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
