just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
