Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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