My room smells like vodka and shame
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
