do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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