Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
