We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
