i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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