every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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