I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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