dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
