i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
