Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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