sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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