this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
