R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i think i have herpe
just one?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
