you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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