escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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