A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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