I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
