i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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