Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
