Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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