I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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