Can i not drive my cunt home
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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