"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
