My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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