I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
