I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
