That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
