It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
