Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
