i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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