I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
