Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
