O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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