Apparently you make a good broom.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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