I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
