She said her name was "party"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
