i will never coherently bang her
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
