So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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