Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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