one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
