Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
