I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
