We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
