Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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