When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
